There's a couple thousand bucks drifting off into space...

Check out the grease gun w/ Braycote in it drift away.

That Which Lays Heavy on My Mind

Out of the few of you who read this, most will not finish. This has the potential of being a little too long and a little too dry.  You are forewarned.

When I first started writing on this blog, it was just a place for me to write.  Nobody knew it existed, so nobody read it. Tonight, I just need a place to write.  Unfortunately, my medium is now public.  So be it.  I must not be that private person most of us think we are.  Or maybe I just don't care who knows.  Or maybe I want you to know, so I don't have to worry about what you are thinking when you take that second, or third, glance.  Yes.  I see it when you do that.

In the summer, I was diagnosed with Follicular Mucinosis.  

Say what?

Follicular mucinosis (FM) is a rare dermatosis characterized by mucin deposits in the pilosebaceous units. It is divided into a primary-benign type and a secondary type associated mostly with lymphomas. No standard effective therapy is available for the primary FM while in the secondary form treatment is aimed against the underlying disease.

So what does that mean?  

Well, there's a few things that should jump out at you, the first being it is rare.  Yipee for me.  I feel like I won the lottery.  Second, is that nasty little word lymphomas.  Although there is not a lot of data out there, I read where it turns into cancer 40% of the time.  No worries, the mortality rate is pretty damn low.  The last thing that should have jumped out at you was there is no standard effective therapy.  I've read where Corticosteroids, dapsone, mepacrimine, interferons and superficial X-ray have all been used.  Let's not forget photodynamic therapy and interferon alpha-2b at a dose of 6 million U subcutaneously three times a week, and acitretin 35 mg/day, for 6 months.

So imagine my surprise when I finally went to a dertamtologist and he told me the good news after getting the results of a biopsy.  The way he stuttered and stammered with the word lymphoma was really encouraging.  It sounded like the confidence President Bush excudes in a briefing on the economy.  

In case you have not figured it out yet, the f'ing bumps on my face are follicular mucinosis.  Just for the dummies out there thinking this was something hidden from view.  

So every morning when I look in the mirror to shave my face I here James say, "That was just your life."  Ok.  Not really, but you get the point.  No?  FFS.  Let me put it another way.  I'm reminded of my current situation all of the time.  Getting out of the shower, brushing my teeth, walking past a mirror, seeing my reflection in the mirror when I change lanes, when somebody takes that second glance, when their eyes drift to my face instead of my f'ing eyes when talking to me.  

When I go to sleep at night.  

When I give my daughter her very own Taylor Swift CD, and she says, "Thank you, Daddy", with all the sincerity only an innocent child can have.

Now do you get it?

Boo f'ing hoo!!  Not really.  I'm just framing this conversation for you.  

When I was first told, I was not that bothered by it.  As the prescriptions have not worked, and the stares have continued, I find myself thinking about it more and more.  As I research more, and see pictures of how unpleasant it could become, how unpleasant treatment could be...  it weighs on you, is all I'm saying.  Surprisingly.  It weighs on me.  When I least expect it, it weighs on me.  I am surprised at my inability to compartmentalize this in my brain.  Afterall, it is not that bad.  I mean, come on.  It could be much worse.  So I do not mean to complain.  

I thought if I wrote about it, then I could have my little moment of feeling sorry for myself.  My own little woe is me time.  And then move on.  Because it is not that bad.  All I have are bumps on my face, and a few stares.  Even a few questions now and then, a biopsy or two every 2-3 months just to make sure Mr. Lymphoma has not decided to join the party, and a band aid on the face for a week.

Tick tock.  Time to shove this into the corner of my brain.

McCain Rally

On Sunday I decided to go to a John McCain rally. Jenna tagged along on our little trip. I asked her to come for 2 reasons. The first reason was all selfish. I just wanted some company. Secondly, I wanted her to see this part of the election process. I wanted her to see a candidate ask for her vote. Now obviously she cannot vote, but you get the point. Now don't worry. I did not allow her to wave a John McCain sign or anything like that. When she gets old enough to vote, I want her to make her own WELL INFORMED decision. Since she is not old enough to make that decision, I figured it was not fair to have her showing support for a candidate.

The doors opened at 8:45 am (yeah right), so Jenna and I got there around 8 am. We stood in line outside waiting to get in. Once we got inside, we were heading towards the bleachers when I saw we could get center stage, fourth row back, if we decided to stand. This is what we did, and we proceeded to stand for a few more hours in one place. Jenna was a trooper and didn't complain. OK. She complained a little, but it did suck. Jenna had an old lady with John McCain stickers on her cheeks push in front of her. Jenna's old man had to say something to her, which gave us and the people around us something to talk about for all of 5 minutes. In the end, Jenna got a great view of her dandruff filled jacket when McCain came on stage. I was able to edge her out of the way slightly so Jenna could see. Rude bitch.

Anyways, we saw Senator Lieberman and Secretary Ridge come out and speak, and then McCain came out with his wife and a few others. Cindy spoke briefly, and then Senator McCain gave his usual speech he has been giving over the last few days. Overall, I'm glad I went. It was my first time going to something like that, and I'm glad Jenna got to tag along with me. She told me she had a great time in school today telling her friends and teachers about her experience there.

I couldn't be more disgusted with the poor quality of the pictures, especially since we were so close. i was able to salvage a few of them and make them somewhat presentable. I swear sometimes you have to be outside in bright sunlight with vivid colors for the damn camera to work right. The stage was well lit, but most of them came out blurry and dark. I should have used the small camera instead of the SLR.

Enjoy.

My Geek Side

I've been following the Mars Phoenix Lander on twitter, and was sad to learn today it's more than likely gone to sleep for the last time.  It does not have the energy to awaken due to the extreme cold.  It has a Lazarus mode, which could awaken it if it survives the winter, but it is unlikely.  The poor bastard will just sit there for a million years until it is "rescued".

After watching a story on Spirit and Oppy (Opportunity) last year, my brother and I were surprised how sad we were when it portrayed their inevitable demise (a rather dramatic scene with the rover lowering it's head as the sun set behind it). They were like little people out there, stranded all alone in the freezing temperatures of Mars.  Although they have long outlasted expectations, their time is numbered, too. 

You can follow them here. 

Why do I care?  Grease, of course.  (There are some really neat pictures in that link)!

Should I Sell?

I was lucky enough to get chosen for the opportunity to purchase World Series tickets by registering at phillies.com.  I now have 2 tickets to game 5 on the 27th of October.  After looking at ebay, it is tempting to sell them.  I'd like to go, but it is so hard to get a babysitter here.  It's a Monday night, and we would not get home until midnight or so.  Heather isn't too excited about going, and has already told me to sell her ticket.  I, on the other hand, would like to go.  How often will you get a chance to go to the World Series??  But, I could make at least $500 selling them.

I'm looking for your opinion.  Vote on the right hand side of this page, and let me know what YOU think I should do.

Love is a Four Letter Word

Ainsley singing Metallica.

Maybe I should take her to the concert instead of Heather.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

So I came home today to check my RSS feed.  Here's the first few stories I saw.

• Google Inc. shares fell $25.20, or almost 7%, to $346.01 and put in their lowest close in more than two years. 
• On Monday, Russian equities suffered one of their worst daily losses ever -- the RTS index plunged 19.1% and the Micex index tumbled 18.7%.  Russian President Dmitry Medvedev said Tuesday that the government has decided to allocate 950 billion rubles, or about $36 billion, in subsidized credits to a number of Russian banks for a period of no less than five years 
• U.S. Stocks Battered; Dow, S&P 500 Close At 5-year Low 
  
• British officials could announce a financial bailout plan for its troubled markets as early as Tuesday evening, The Wall Street Journal reported on its Web site Tuesday. The plan could cost up to 45 billion pounds (about $78.64 billion). 
• Speaking to the National Association of Business Economists, Bernanke said, "The combination of the incoming data and recent financial developments suggests that the outlook for economic growth has worsened and that the downside risks to growth have increased.” 
• the Energy Information Administration projected that the average household fuel oil expenditures will be about $2,388; nearly $450 more than last season. Homes that use natural gas will also spend about $155 more than last year. 

And some good news:

• Crude prices will likely average $126 per barrel in 2009, according to a monthly report from the U.S. Energy Department's Energy Information Administration released Tuesday. 

Add to this the fact I'm reading Hot, Flat, and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution--and How It Can Renew America and I just got done reading The Post-American World, and I'm starting to think it's the end of the world as we know it.  And that ain't no song.

All of these stories were posted within a few hours of each other.



We have no reason to fear for ourselves...but fear for our children, we should.

Slow Down!!

This may surprise some of you who think I never have anything negative to say about the current administration.

Seems to me they are either generating fear or using our fear against us to push through legislation they want. I agreed with them when they did it before, but not this time. Not yet, anyways. We do not want to become socialist.

Have You Seen Me Lately???

No.  I'm not talking about the infamous Sam Kinison album, although I can recite it word for word almost 18 years later.

What?  What?  There's 5,000 of you and you didn't bring any fucking food.  I guess you expect me to get it huh?  That's no problem, I'll just create food out of the fucking air.  Thanks!

Well, you said you were the son of God.

I don't think you you're getting the fucking point here you fucking idiots!  I didn't come here to be Jesus the miracle caterer.

But I digress.

I think I've lost myself.  I think it happened somewhere between joining the Army and now.  Or it could have been between graduating high school and now.  It could have been on the trip to the grocery store.  Who the hell knows.  I'm lost.

So how is it I've lost myself.  Beats the crap outta me.  I've already displayed my inability to even identify when I lost myself.

I'm always looking for me.

Am I behind that degree?

Nope. 

A new job!!  One in Pennsylvania!!  Certainly, I will be there!

Not here.

How about behind that new haircut?

Nope.

The dog.  If I get a dog, I will certainly come out of hiding.

No.

How about the kindle?

No.

How about a new tattoo?  Would that do it?

Doubt it.

New clothes?  An updated wardrobe will certainly help me find me.

Nope.

An iphone.  I have to be hiding somewhere in the touch pad.

No way.

If anybody sees me, will they let me know?

Help a Brother Out

Anybody out there cut hair?  I need a new hair cut (style) and I need some help picking it out.  I've been struggling for almost a year now since I decided to get away from the high and tight.

Somebody please help!!

 

Don't we, Heather?

love ya!!

She's so California

This post has nothing to do with a girl or California.  It just happens to be the song I'm listening to right now.


I've read when you have a goal, you should share it with others.  The reasoning being you somehow become more committed to it because you put it out there for others to hold you accountable. 

Not sure if I believe that or not.

A few months ago I made a goal.  It was rather simple.  Exercise.  Every single day.  Period.

Pretty easy, eh?  In all honesty, it was that easy.  I exercised every day.  Sometimes it was something as simple as a walk with the the dog extradonaire.      (Who has been rather lazy @ blogging lately)  Other times I carted, which is walking at a 10% incline (thanks mens health).  Then I started to run, er, trot.  Hell, I even rode my bike around my hometown of Sandwich, Il.  I wasn't concerned with how long I ran, or how hard.  My only goal was to exercise.  Every single day.  

That simple goal had the desired affect I was looking for.  Exercise had become a habit.  You know all those things they say about exercise?  You know, the additional energy, feeling better,etc.  It's all true.  I'd catagorize the additional energy more as a lack of feeling tired all the time.  I'm not all amped up and ready to conquer the world, but I don't want to crash on the weekends all day or when I come home from work.  And those damn afternoon headaches, they are a thing of the past.

Oh yeah.  I lost weight, too.  It came off rather easily.  It does that when you introduce exercise when you aren't very active to begin with.


Well, I'm stumbling a bit, which is the reason for this post.  I still exercise, but it is not every day.  I haven't gained any weight back, but I haven't lost any weight in 2 months.  I still have lots more to go!!


I'm at the point now where I have to work longer and harder to burn the same amount of calories since I've lost weight.  I also have to mix up my workouts so my body does not get "post office letter carrier syndrome".  (Yeah, I walk XXX miles a day, but I'm still a fat bastard)


It's time to introduce strength training into my training plan, too.  The gym I want to join, my membership paid for by BP of course, opens in October.


I should have warned you to look out for flying excuses.


I've gone from obese to just plain old overweight on my BMI index, and I've had to buy some new clothes.  But there's a lot of work to do yet.  I'd like to earn the right to get this, which I've been thinking about getting for over a year now.  Getting rid of my follicular *insert word salad here* would be nice too.  I'm not too concerned with it turning into something worse, but more in just getting rid of it because it makes me look like a teenager.


So there it is.  Out there in the open.  I have a goal to lose additional weight.


I'll just sit here and wait for the motivation to come rushing back to me from sharing my goal with others...

17 January 2009

Finally, Metallica back on tour in the US. They'll be in Philly on 17 Jan and Chicago on 26 January.

Think Heather will go with me??

Vacation Photos

Double Rainbow

This is one of the best rainbows I've seen. You could see it from one end all the way to the other. If you look close enough, you'll see a partial second rainbow.

You can always count on Cavuto

to put things in perspective.
I can't get the embed to work, so I hope you all take the time to watch this video.

Click anywhere above to go to the video.

Orchestrating the Leaving...

I've had my share of practice at leaving.  After joining the Army, leaving for Texas, then Korea, then Texas again, and finally Pennsylvania, I've had the opportunity to improve on what I privately call, "Orchestrating the leaving."


Anybody who has ever left home or a loved one(s) knows the feeling of the storm growing as the days and hours and finally the minutes draw closer to the time of departure.  I've learned that leaving is hard on everybody, not just yourself.  It's important to take everybody into consideration and to try and make it as easy as possible on everybody.  Mothers, in particular, are fragile.  So my rule of thumb...Make it quick.  It's easier on everybody.  Don't stand around and invite a lot of people over a few hours before you leave.  Everybody will just be anxious dreading the moment when you get in your car or get on your plane and go.  It's no fun for anybody.  So make it a drive by.  Hey, I'm leaving.  See you later.  Then run for the door and don't look back.

I broke my standing order when we left Illinois last week.  We had the family over for a cookout and pictures a few hours before we were due to leave.  When my mom walked in the door I knew it was not going to be pretty.  Everybody tried to pretend we weren't leaving in a few hours, but it didn't work.  As the time for us to leave drew closer, there were knowing glances from husband to wife, wife to daughter, son to mother, etc.  Yes, we were telling each other.  The time is getting close, and I am trying to keep it together.  

Soon, Jenna, whom we were leaving in Illinois for an extended vacation, was wrapped in her mother's arms as they cried unashamedly in front of others.  That tore me up.  My old man was outside, and it wasn't because it was nice out.  Even he was afflicted with the anxiety that was hanging over all of us.  

Then the time came for final hugs.  The entire family was outside for all the public to see as we said our goodbyes and wiped away the tears.  It was nearly unbearable.  So much pain being experienced by everybody.


Something that would have been a lot easier had I done a better job at orchestrating the leaving...

Top 10

While at work the other day, a co-worker and myself used a white board to list out our top 10 songs.  We couldn't have been more different!  There's no sex pistols or Elton John on my top 10.  We decided to create a CD with out 10 top and swap them.  But what's a top 10 list without the stories behind them?  So here's my top 10 list with the reasoning behind each of them.  After all, the song is only a small part of the story.  It's the emotions or the memories they stir that tell the real story.

These are not in order.  That would be much too complicated.

Alright Guy, Gary Allan 

I like to think the spirit of this song is me.  I've done some stupid things, and I'm a little rough around the edges, but hey, I'm an alright guy.

 "Now I'm stuck in this jail with a bunch of dumb hicks, and I still don't know why..."

Coma, Guns N' Roses

At just over 10 minutes long, this is epic.  Wherever the song takes you, it always brings you back to the same rhythm.  Each time you listen to it, you discover something new.  A true piece of lyrical and musical art.  A very complex and complicated song.

"No you don't need a doctor, nobody else can heal your soul.  You got your mind in submission, you got your life on the line, but nobody pulled the trigger, they just stepped aside..."

Stupid Boy, Keith Urban

When I first heard this song, it was just ok, but it quickly grew on me.  You can feel the emotion and the pain building throughout the entire song until it finally explodes during the guitar solo at the end.  I tried to get my wife to understand this, but she never looked at songs this way.  After seeing Keith play this in concert, Heather finally got it.

"and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans..."

Brown-Eyed Girl, Van Morrison

A song about a girl...

and a time we danced; the look in her eye.  I had put that sparkle in her eyes...


Where Ever I May Roam, Metallica

An anthem.  You couldn't turn on MTV without seeing this video.  This song makes you want to go and conquer the world, or at least the day.


"to this game you stay a slave..."


Every Now and Then, Garth Brooks

This song is myself and my friend Brian sitting in his truck.  He'd blare this song and we'd sing along.  He always sang it with such passion, and sometimes I think he forgot I was there.  It was like this song took him somewhere, to somebody.  To this day, I don't know who he longed for while singing this song.  He died many years ago.


"I heard a song on the radio just yesterday, the same one you always asked me to play.  And when the song was over, I wished they'd play it again.  Yes I do think about you every now and then"

Long December, Counting Crows

There's so many gems in this song.  "the feeling it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls."  "Maybe this year will be better than the last."  "We talk like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs."   A song of depression, of hope.  Whatever you want it to be.


Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leppard

The song written with lyrics to fit the riffs.  This is 8th grade all over again.  I had the shirt.  I had the hole in the jeans.  I had the cowboy boots.  I had the hair (still pissed at my mom for not letting me grow it out even longer).


"Love is like a bomb baby c'mon get it on, Livin' like a lover with a radar phone, Lookin' like a tramp like a video vamp, Demolition woman can I be your man"


You Look Good In My Shirt, Keith Urban  (Original Version)


This makes Keith the only artist with 2 songs on here.  The first time I heard this was at his concert in Philly.  I was completely blown away.  What a clever, energetic, and fun song.  Heather and I couldn't stop talking about it.





Black, Pearl Jam

Probably number 1 on this list.  I remember many nights sitting in the dark listening to this song over and over again.  This songs compels you to be moved every time you hear it.  Who can't feel his pain as Eddie wails...

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be the sun in somebody else's life, but why, why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine... 

Credit deep_schismic's




Honorable Mention...


Girl School, Britney Fox

This song rocks!!!!  The guitar and drums come together perfectly.

Father's Day 2008

Just another quick post. Happy Father's day to my old man.

More pictures. Tired of them yet? We'll be going to our first NHRA race on Saturday, so we should have some pictures other than our dog and kids. We're getting the VIP treatment all for free courtesy of Castrol (since they sponsor John Force racing). Even get to meet him and Ashley force, along with some other drivers. Too bad I don't have anything for them to sign. Should be interesting nonetheless.

Guess what, guys! More pics.

Here's a pic that Heather took with they were at the beach. I really like it.




And another slide show. I tried for 2 days to get the pic of the creek.



Notice Zippy in the water behind the close up of Ainsley. Zippy looks like he is laughing in the last picture. If only we could get him to get some pictures without the ball in his mouth.

The Creek...Again

I dragged the family out of the house early this morning so we could go play at the creek. The last time we were there, Zippy laid down in the middle of the water. When the current took the ball away from him, he got up and got it, then went back to the same spot and laid down again. He did this about three times before he finally gave up. Of course, we did not have the camera then.

We've been using these creek adventures to practice our camera skills. If only I knew what I was doing on Photoshop Elements. These are unedited, except the black and white.

Oh well. Enjoy the pics.